doriangrayofficial

He would do numbers on this website

i had a dream i was doing stand-up comedy at an open mic and i said "you know i'm something of a skeletal system myself" and it cut to someone in the audience who was like "dead ass?" and it cuts back to me and its just a skeleton's pelvis and i woke up with the most sweatiest cold sweat and disoriented

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this is what i saw

i love pitting classically trained magic users against self-taught magic users in sci-fi/fantasy but it shouldn’t be snobbish disdain for them it should be terror

“WHO TAUGHT YOU LIGHTNING BEFORE BASIC TELEKINESIS. LOSING MY MIND WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DID IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAST WITH YOUR BARE HANDS

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU’VE ‘HACKED’ MANA DRAIN

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘DRINK SOME JUICE’

WHAT IS ‘LOW BLOOD SUGAR’

WHY IS THIS WORKING

I HATE YOU SO MUCH

Okay but other direction can ALSO be a lot of fun

“What do you mean I don’t have to burn half my blood to create a fireball?”

“Why can you teleport more than once without vomiting? WTF is ‘quantum displacement awareness’???”

“You know HOW many spells? HOW? ... What do you mean ‘my spell book’?”

“Ooooh, you’re just summoning water portions from the Plane of Water... Lol I thought I HAD to combine hydrogen and oxygen molecules to generate water in small amounts. That’s so much easier then what I was doing!”

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Tags via @mia7437

airlocksandaviaries:
“mostlyonthefloor:
“missbcm:
“https://twitter.com/profannieoakley/status/1357768408671027202
This thread is gold… make your own here: https://htck.github.io/bayeux/#!/
” ”
Two bros…
”

pulled over to give a homeless guy some cash on the side of the road today and he pointed to my bigfoot air freshener and asked if i believed in ‘that guy’ and no, i don’t, i have the air freshener because my last car before this one (the pt cruiser) belonged to a woman named tracy who loved bigfoot and had a whole collection of bigfoot stuff including the air freshener and she died of cancer which is why her husband was selling me her car and i figured, hey, might as well keep the air freshener in her honor. and then when i had to junk the last car i couldnt bring myself to get rid of it. so now it’s just hanging off my rear view mirror again. which is probably a worse reason to have an air freshener than believing in bigfoot.

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This is the meanest shit you’ve ever said to me Bob

caustic-apologist

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this is the funniest god damn thing ive ever seen

hitmewithcute:
“Four year old beekeeper distracted by a roly-poly.
”

Four year old beekeeper distracted by a roly-poly.

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